I am…Me. Simple as that. How do you choose a single word to describe your personality? Every day, every hour, I change. Sometimes I become someone who I don’t recognise and other times, I feel so secure within myself that nothing can hurt me.
But those times are often few and far between. Generally I am drowning in my fears, in the feeling of being adrift and not knowing where I am and how I am. Knowing what I must do to improve myself and yet lacking the zeal to push and push forward to become something meaningful.
Life is full of purpose and yet I am listless. I guess that makes me somewhat of a coward…
Coward (n.) a person who is contemptibly lacking in the courage to do or endure dangerous or unpleasant things.
So, maybe not. I don’t mind unpleasantness or danger, more so that I am stuck within my brain. My life happens there. The downside of being introverted. Maybe. Or maybe I should just leave off this idea that life needs to be rigidly structured to succeed and that will make me better, make me stronger.
You see, I know me. I know who I am. I know the stepping stones in front of me. And I know that I must pull of the best of me and push back against that part of me that is lazy to live in the real world. Descartes said, “I think, therefore I am,” but I am, therefore I think. Thinking only gets you so far. Put into practise what you know and doors that are ajar will swing wide open. That that can be your success.
The images in my mind, my life in my mind become me as a writer. I see colours, vivid and fierce, I hear the winds howl, brush across my face. I taste the rain, lean towards the sun but sway towards the dark. Thoughts go round and round, endlessly circling and never really reaching a conclusion. And you see that within my work, often, as my own peril. What I write is not also as tethered as it should be. You see it in this post.
But me, I am me, and there is no single word to describe my personality. It is ever changing. That’s one thing I can always count on – I’m human.