I float. I have not found you. I have not yet found home. For all the comfort you give me, for all the love you provide, I have not yet found you.
I grow tired, of my thoughts. Lost in my thoughts, round and round and round again. This circle is endless. I grow weary of my thoughts.
Do you suffer in the same vein as I?
You are here, though I do not want you to be. A glimpse and I remember. And I do not want to. I do not need to. A mistake. A fallacy. You found your way here and I must expel you. You somehow found your way into my heart, a nothing that crept in. Or maybe I make myself think you are in my heart. I have lost a part of me to you. I do not know you, yet I think of you. And I do not want to. I do not need to. I realised, too late. You had found your way in. A part of me mourns.
I will forget you. That is my mission. And I will not fail. I will not fail myself.
I cannot fail myself.
My mistake. My mistake for thinking you would be there as I grew older, that I would be able to hold your hand and hug you evermore. My mistake for not keeping you closer, not loving and caring for you, not calling you. My mistake. I mourn for these lost moment and I mourn because you have passed, just as we all will. Life is both beautiful and scary. The trees die and are born again when the new rain come and the new generation will pass to become the old.
It’s strange. To think that I am the new generation. These people I knew are leaving and I am already regretting. Death comes for us all and after that, we will not get a second chance. The time is now. We will not be able to come back once we are worm fodder in the ground.
I will miss you and remember you and pray for you. I know no other way. Drowning in mournful sighs would not please you. I will remember you.
As humans we are so fickle in our ways. We run, cowards, from death when we should be standing defiantly in it’s face. ‘You have followed me for every second of every day, yet today I go with the knowledge that there is nothing I can regret, nothing I would change, nothing that would make my life more then it was’. Instead, we build mountains of money, love, sex, rock and roll, in the hope that that day will not come, that we will not pass, never realising that running is not the answer. Cowardice. These riches and this greed will not help us. We will leave it behind to rot with us. The fear of the inevitable does not make it go away. It only makes us fools for living as if we will never die.
Worn and weary
If only for that one moment
That I find contentment within
I shall be ever grateful
That I am not forgotten
For You remember me when I do not remember You
And for that
And that alone
I will walk on
Tired and weary
Walk on I shall
For You and for you and for you
To whom I owe so much
To You and you all, I am forever grateful.
I find you. In chaos, I find you. Waiting for me to come back to you. No matter where I turn, you breathe life into me.
I turn from you over and over. Yet you are a saving grace. And I turn, even though I feel my heart harden. My soul weeps. The taste of bitter regret.
I turn to you. And you are there. Watchful. Waiting.
With you, I find home.
I wish to hold you and comfort you.
Take your pain and release you;
To give you hope, from the terror that plagues you.
My heart hurts for you and for your innocence. Lost in the bloodshed, you watch through pained eyes and your innocence dies like the leaves die in winter. Rivers of red that pour from your body. Your hope dies like the sun sets and yet you still believe, even as you are hopelessly stranded in this war torn and lifeless land.
I wish to hold you and comfort you. To hold you and bring you home.
When will this suffering end? An endless desert but I pray, just as billions do, that your suffering fades. I cry for your innocence, as you watch your brother and your sister, your aunt and your uncle, your mother and your father, left alone in this wasteland, they pass in pain, just as the dead earth cries for water, you watch through wounded eyes, and you silently cry for help. Chilling and terrifying.
I wish to hold you and comfort you.
I wish to hold you and bring you home.