With gritted teeth I tear at my chest and dig
bits of bone and flesh flying
only to find the heart empty.
And through tear filled eyes I blink at the remains,
blurred feet and blood pooling.
And so there is nothing to do
but stitch together the remains.
The thread protrudes, scars bold and evasive
but the thread is strong
the mould holding
And so to the sky, tear filled, hazy eyes
I let the air brush my cheek
And mournful howls rustle the leaves
the heart is pounding
And you latch on to the moment
This cavity feels full once again.
A dead heart.
Blackened and rusted, these sins have darkened
and the gates of hell are closed
and burning embers flee for a moment,
Eyes shut. To charred flesh giving way for Gardens of Bliss
if only the chance is taken,
While the devils are chained up
and the gates of hell are closed.
Life can return to the dead and flaking heart.
There is a voice in my head that tells me only You can fill my heart
and the demons inside me fight it.
And I fight the demons
Knowing their whispers bring my destruction.
Sowing seeds of doubt, delicate stitching,
With thin, black string warping the tendrils of my heart
and thoughts flitting past,
I cannot catch them.
Fearing the day the blackness within me finds it’s way to my tongue,
after all, the soul emerges through conversation
and the tongue is a powerful weapon that can sow your destruction.
And I need to find the strength to fight them.
Do you suffer in the same vein as I?
You are here, though I do not want you to be. A glimpse and I remember. And I do not want to. I do not need to. A mistake. A fallacy. You found your way here and I must expel you. You somehow found your way into my heart, a nothing that crept in. Or maybe I make myself think you are in my heart. I have lost a part of me to you. I do not know you, yet I think of you. And I do not want to. I do not need to. I realised, too late. You had found your way in. A part of me mourns.
I will forget you. That is my mission. And I will not fail. I will not fail myself.
I cannot fail myself.