Tag Archives: life

I Eat A Burger

Here I sit, 2am, severely sleep deprived after 2 days with less than 3 hours sleep, eating a burger. And it dawns on me that this writing challenge business has flown right out my mind. And so I take a look at my writing prompt:

Happiness: What is your own secret for happiness? If you had to sum up your ideas, what one word would you use to describe how to be truly happy?

Ah, such deep thoughts for 2am. Happiness for me, at this precise moment, is eating this burger that is undoubtedly not healthy but tastes delicious in all it’s fatty goodness. My mind is drifting to thoughts of my parents who are currently away on holiday. Happiness for me is hearing their voices, knowing they are safe, seeing their smiles. I do miss them. Happiness is being surrounded by those who love you, despite all your shortcomings, of which there are many. Unconditional love. It’s humbling.

Despite the absurdity of this question, and I’ll tell you why it is absurd, I know the secret for happiness. And sometimes I look at the world with humans who wear masks even in front of themselves, refusing to just accept and be at peace, I think of how happiness eludes so many, even when they seem to be happy. That is a presumptuous stance, no doubt, but I see so many chasing the world and the world leaves them in the dust. And so, I would like to propose to the world at large, the secret for happiness.

The secret for happiness is not to be happy at all. No, it is not. The secret is to be content. And no, I don’t mean the type of contentment that comes from coming home after a long day and putting your feet up with a cup of tea/coffee (although tea/coffee brings a form of contentment in it’s own right). I’m talking about that deep-seated contentment that travels through your entire being and when you look at your life, all you see are the trinkets with which you have been gifted. Contentment is being satisfied with what you have, not looking for the next big fad, here, now, I close my eyes and I am content.

The thing is, I’m not happy with every part of me, I am a work in progress. And I will undoubtedly be a work in progress until my very last breath. But you don’t need perfection to be content and these two are so often conflated with the other that crowds become mindless zombies, pushing to become whatever society deems perfect at the time. Society will ask of you and ask of you and ask of you. And you will give and you will give and you will give until you are an empty shell, the living dead. So. Forget society. Be content with who you are, warts and all.

I said of the absurdity of this question. You cannot sum up in one word how to be happy. But perhaps you can: Contentment. For me, that is through recognising the infinite blessings in my life.

And so, I sit here with my burger, at 2.35am, severely sleep-deprived and I am tired.

But content.

[Please accept this in all it’s unedited glory. Unconditional love is beautiful, did I mention that.]

 

I Cave In

With gritted teeth I tear at my chest and dig
bits of bone and flesh flying
only to find the heart empty.

And through tear filled eyes I blink at the remains,
blurred feet and blood pooling.

Drip.
Drip.
Drip.

And so there is nothing to do
but stitch together the remains.
The thread protrudes, scars bold and evasive
but the thread is strong
the mould holding

And so to the sky, tear filled, hazy eyes
                               I let the air brush my cheek
   gently
And mournful howls rustle the leaves
                                 the  heart  is  pounding

And you latch on to the moment
This cavity feels full once again.

I Venture Out

I often have thought that writing challenges are nonsensical. How does one force themselves to write? And yet I find myself thinking of doing just that.
Strange what circumstance makes of us. This is my first post in which I, myself, am writing as me, and after such a long hiatus too, but is that not the state of a human being? That they evolve and change? With the wind pushing in one direction and then another. And another. And another.
Maybe I am just trying to justify the changes that I am going through right now but I feel that now is the time to let my wings free and venture into the unknown. And believe me, I am not one to venture out of my comfort zone.
Here’s to new ways. And hopefully better ways.

(I look at this post and despair of how many times I’ve written ‘I’.)

I Flounder

A path weaved of many paths,
Borne from the actions of one and the thoughts of another.

Labyrinthine.

Twisting and turning, carving, walls towering, ensnared from every side, keenly observing. Which path? What will be and what will become of me?

Valleys sweeping low through the hillside, paving the way through dense fog, stumbling. Or climbing, over dark and heady air, breathe and breathe again, in and out.

Inhale the the sweetness of the coolness surrounding me.  A warm embrace guiding through the unknown, so many paths to the one destination.

I am not convinced of the path ahead. Two steps left, one step right. A puzzle missing pieces, no victory, no conclusion in site.

Yet to stand still with so many opportunities. Only a fool stands still.

Take the first step.

I Am Worm Fodder

Who dared to tell me that I am more then I am and what made me think that I am so significant,
When once I did not even know I existed and once I curled into the warmth surrounding me,
Dependant on one I had not yet met although I instinctively recognised her as my mother.

Today, I am aware of my existence yet tomorrow,
I may be worm fodder.               Six feet under
and these bones clothed with flesh will blacken until I am unrecognisable.
And those who love me will not know me.
Tomorrow a home will be built upon my bones
Not knowing I lie underneath,
Once thinking myself so high
Yet just as those before me,
I returned to my Maker.

I am worm buffet.                    Six feet under
and tomorrow I may return to my Maker.

I Carry Your Beauty

I carry your beauty with me.
A heady burden to bear, knowing what you stand for –
Suppressing my mindlessness, giving me strength to stand
against a world that wishes to mould me. –
I carry your beauty with me, not knowing if I am worthy,
but knowing ultimately, I carry my soul within you.
You epitomize who I wish I could be, your character shines through no matter how you hide,
Like moths to a flame, people are drawn to you, uncomfortable and afraid by what they feel,
not knowing why they feel
    and within your beauty, I find a sense of worth
I belong to you, just as you belong to me and I will carry your beauty with me,
Indeed, It would be heavy burden to bear, if your beauty was not with me.